Flying With a Gun

Several years ago I had a less then stellar experience transporting 2 guns by air. The trip there was without incident. Both were in a locked hard plastic case, unloaded and in regular checked baggage. I found out, on the return trip, that forgetting to unload one was not a good thing. Besides the embarrassment of being so stupid, it cost me $300. That my friends is getting off easy.

This is what reminded me of that.

I already had a nice blue hard-plastic Smith & Wesson pistol case, so I went to Walmart and bought a "TSA approved" combination lock. I didn't want to take any chances of this not working out.

I THOUGHT I was well within these guidelines... so, my wife and I got to the airport and we headed up to the counter. It was to be a light trip, so we packed our clothes and gear in our carry-on backpacks, and the pistol case was the only thing I was going to check in.

The Delta lady that checked me in was VERY friendly. I just have to give her some credit, first of all. She didn't look at me weird when I told her that I'd like to check a firearm, she just made small talk as she tagged it, and said "Okay, now I have to take you over to TSA to inspect this.

"This is where it gets funny. Before I was even TO the TSA inspection area, the short-haired woman wearing the TSA badge said loudly, "That's not going to work."

"Uh oh!" I said while grinning. As you know, I am hardly ever serious. "Will it work for 20 bucks?" I asked her as we approached the inspection area.

"Funny. No, the whole idea of having a locking gun case is so that the guys down there [pointing to the black hole where all the bags were conveying into] can't get into it. Your case is plastic."

"Yeah, but your website said a hard-sided case that can't be crushed."

"Well it would be easy to break. Plus, your case only locks once, in the center of the handle. It has to lock at both ends."

At this point, a TSA guy who had been listening to the exchange poked his head over and repeated: "It has to lock on both ends."

Bummer. That was fine though. I had put aside about $700 JUST for travel expenses, and having the gun was worth it to me. Heck, I think I'd rather stay in an "unsafe" hotel WITH my Glock than a "safe" one without it.

"Well, do you sell pistol cases?"

"No," the lady said, "but the airlines sometimes do."

Yes- Hope. Not the Obama kind... actual hope!

The nice Delta lady was still standing there, and frowning, said to me, "We stopped selling them a while ago... but Northwest Airlines only stopped recently. I would go ask that lady over there," she said pointing at a lady behind the NW airlines counter.

So, we walked down there. "Excuse me ma'am, but I was told by the TSA lady down there that you might be able to help me by selling me a pistol case.. [I held mine up] this one here doesn't meet regulation. Before you say anything- there's 20 bucks in it for you if you get me fixed up!"

She looked at me funny and said, "Well I can tell you right now that the cases we sold were $75!"

Ouch. But, maybe it would be a good case.

"That's totally fine- I just want to be able to take my pistol!"

She left, and returned empty handed. "Sorry, we sold our last two cases last week. There's one back there still, but there are no keys for it, so we can't sell it."

Rats... I had one last idea. I thanked the lady wholeheartedly for all the legwork, and headed back to TSA. Now, once again, I must give this older woman at the Northwest Airlines check in line credit- she was REALLY nice, and again didn't seem weird that I was checking in a pistol. Anyway...

"Excuse me," I said to the TSA lady. "NW is all out of cases... what if I check my backpack as luggage and just stick the case in it- would that work?"

The TSA lady sighed and proceeded to demonstrate on my poor pistol case how easy it would be to break it open. "Okay, I get it!!"

As I took my case back, I noted the heavy frost around it where she had touched it.... kidding!

When I tried to check the gun, the Delta lady must have written something on my boarding pass, because BOY did my wife and get handpicked for some major TSA searching.

They wiped our hands, wallets, phones, EVERYTHING down for drugs, they took everything out of our bags (EVERYTHING), they patted us both down, and they even stuck us in a TINY glass room for a few minutes while they went through all our things. Everyone was looking at us through the glass as they went by.

I'm such a joker that I wasn't embarrassed... but I'm not sure if my comments to TSA helped anything:

"Find anything yet?"... "I'll be counting that money when you're done there, just so you know!"... "Make sure you check those boots real good!... "Wow, you're done with the boots? I can have them back? Ha! Awesome- Hey babe, they're done checking the boots!"

The weird thing was, my wife was the only one who found my comments funny!

It's been my experience that the TSA goons have no sense of humor. Joking around will only bring you grief.